Gary the Wild Snake Has Entered the Chat 🐍

Chapter 2 begins, as many TOM chapters do, with a reasonable-sounding premise that immediately goes in a completely unreasonable direction. TOM is in the garden. There is a snake. TOM, rather than backing away slowly and leaving the situation to sort itself out, decides the snake looks friendly. He names it Gary.

This is, objectively, peak TOM. It's not reckless — TOM is not a reckless person. It's optimistic. TOM looks at a wild snake in a British garden and sees not a potential adder but a potential friend. The logic is, in its own way, admirable. The outcome requires your intervention.

🐍 TOM's assessment of Gary

"He had kind eyes. He was minding his own business. I felt we had an understanding. I chose to trust that."

— TOM, Can You Save TOM? 50 Hilarious Survival Scenarios, Chapter 2

Gary did not have kind eyes. Gary was an adder — the UK's only venomous native snake — and Gary's understanding of the situation differed considerably from TOM's.

The Scenario

📖 Chapter 2 — The Situation

TOM is in the garden. He has spotted a small, patterned snake coiled near the flower bed. He has named it Gary. He is now crouching down approximately thirty centimetres from Gary and extending one hand in what he describes as "a gesture of friendship." Gary is not gesturing back. TOM would like to know whether to proceed with the friendship, or whether you have a better idea.

What Do You Do? 🤔

TOM is very close to Gary. Gary is not moving yet. You have four options — choose the one that keeps TOM's hand attached to the rest of TOM.

A) Let TOM continue. Gary does look quite friendly from here, and TOM seems confident.

B) Tell TOM to pick Gary up carefully with both hands and relocate him to a safer part of the garden.

C) Tell TOM to back away slowly and calmly, keep his eyes on the snake, and give it plenty of space to move away on its own. ✓ Correct

D) Shout loudly to startle the snake away. Problem solved.

💡 The Real Lesson

Back away slowly, keep calm, and give the snake space. Wild snakes in the UK — including adders — will almost always move away from humans if given the chance. The vast majority of adder bites happen when someone touches, traps, or startles the snake. Distance is the only tool you need here.

Why C — and Why the Others Make Gary Nervous

The correct response to encountering a wild snake is one of the simplest in the book: do nothing dramatic, back away steadily, and let the snake leave at its own pace. Snakes are not aggressive by nature. They bite when they feel cornered, threatened, or handled — not because they're unfriendly.

Gary, had TOM given him the option, would have gone about his day. It is the reaching, the grabbing, the sudden loud noise — any of the other three options — that would have turned a non-event into a Chapter 2.

❌ If you picked A — Let TOM proceed

TOM makes contact with Gary. Gary, who did not agree to the friendship, responds in the only language available to him. TOM learns about adder venom the worst possible way. This is now a medical emergency.

❌ If you picked B — Relocate Gary by hand

Picking up a wild snake — even a seemingly calm one — is the single most reliable way to get bitten. Gary is not a rescue animal. Gary does not want to be relocated. TOM's hands are not the right tool for this. Neither are anyone else's.

❌ If you picked D — Shout loudly

Snakes sense vibration rather than sound, so the shout doesn't startle Gary the way you'd hope. What it does do is cause TOM to lurch forward slightly. Gary, now feeling cornered, makes a decision. It is not a good decision for TOM.

A Brief Guide to Gary

The adder (Vipera berus) is the UK's only venomous snake and also, statistically, one of the least dangerous animals you're likely to encounter in a British garden. Adder bites are rare — fewer than a hundred are recorded each year in the UK — and fatal bites are extraordinarily uncommon, with only a handful of deaths recorded in the last century.

The adder is identifiable by its distinctive zigzag pattern along its back, typically in black or dark brown on a grey or reddish-brown body. It's a compact snake, rarely exceeding 65cm, and is most commonly seen basking in sunny spots — heathland, woodland edges, and yes, occasionally gardens.

🌿 How to identify an adder

Look for the zigzag stripe running the length of the back, and a dark V or X marking on the head. The pupils are vertical slits rather than round. If you're uncertain, the identification doesn't matter — the response is the same regardless of species: back away, give space, do not touch.

The Correct Response — Step by Step

1) Stop moving immediately

Sudden movements are what escalate encounters with snakes. If you or TOM is mid-crouch, freeze briefly before backing away. No dramatic gestures.

2) Back away slowly, keeping the snake in view

Move backwards steadily, maintaining eye contact with the snake so you know where it is. Don't turn your back on it until you have a safe distance — several metres at minimum.

3) Give it time and space to leave

Snakes don't want a confrontation any more than you do. Once you've backed off, the snake will almost certainly move away on its own. Keep children and pets away from the area while it does.

4) If bitten — call 999 immediately

Keep the person as still and calm as possible. Remove any rings or watches from the affected limb in case of swelling. Do not cut the wound, suck out venom, or apply a tourniquet. Get to hospital — antivenom is available and highly effective when administered promptly.

🚨 If an adder bite has already happened

Call 999 immediately. Keep the person calm and as still as possible — movement accelerates venom spread through the lymphatic system. Remove jewellery from the bitten limb. Do not apply ice, cut the wound, or attempt to suck out the venom. Note the time of the bite. Adder antivenom is available at UK hospitals and is very effective — the priority is getting there quickly.

📋 Wild Snake Quick Reference (UK)

• The adder is the UK's only venomous snake. Grass snakes and slow worms are harmless.

• Adders rarely bite unless touched, trapped, or startled. Back away and they will leave.

• Never attempt to handle, capture, or relocate a wild snake — even a "harmless" one.

• If bitten: call 999, keep still, remove jewellery, do not apply tourniquet or cut the wound.

• Adder bites are rarely fatal with prompt treatment — the UK sees fewer than 100 bites per year.

• Keep dogs on leads in adder habitats (heathland, woodland edges) — dogs are bitten more often than people.

Gary's Side of the Story

It's worth noting, in Gary's defence, that he was minding his own business. He had found a warm spot near the flower bed. He had no particular agenda. He was not, despite TOM's interpretation, extending a social invitation.

The lesson of Chapter 2 isn't that snakes are dangerous. It's that wild animals — all wild animals — deserve to be left alone, and that the correct response to encountering one unexpectedly is always to give it more space, not less. Gary was never the problem. Gary was just Gary.

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