TOM's DIY Dentistry Is Going Exactly As You'd Expect 🦷

Chapter 1: gummy vitamins. Chapter 2: a venomous snake named Gary. Chapter 3: TOM opens his toolbox and eyes his toothache with the expression of a man who has just had a very confident idea. If you thought the book couldn't escalate further from Chapter 2, Chapter 3 would like a word.

In TOM's defence — and it is a thin defence — he was in pain, it was a Sunday, and he couldn't get a dentist appointment until Tuesday. In everyone else's defence, there is no version of this situation in which the pliers are the right answer.

🦷 TOM surveys his options

"The dentist costs money and is on Tuesday. The toolbox is free and is right here. I just need something with a good grip. How different can a tooth really be from a nail?"

— TOM, Can You Save TOM? 50 Hilarious Survival Scenarios, Chapter 3

The answer to TOM's question — how different can a tooth be from a nail — is: significantly. In almost every measurable way. But TOM has committed to the toolbox approach, and it's your job to stop him before he does something that requires considerably more than a dentist.

The Scenario

📖 Chapter 3 — The Situation

TOM has a painful toothache. It is a Sunday. His dentist is closed until Tuesday. TOM has opened his toolbox and is examining a pair of pliers with what can only be described as professional interest. He has also considered: a piece of string tied to a door handle, ice directly on the tooth, and whiskey. He would like your recommendation on which of these to proceed with.

What Do You Do? 🤔

A) Support TOM's initiative. The pliers have a good grip. A quick pull and this is all over.

B)The string-and-door-handle method. Classic, time-tested, surely fine.

C) Pack the tooth with whiskey. TOM has heard this works.

D) Call 111 for out-of-hours dental advice, use over-the-counter dental pain relief as directed, and get to an emergency dentist or dental walk-in clinic. ✓

Correct

💡 The Real Lesson

Dental pain on a Sunday is not a situation that requires improvisation — it requires 111. The NHS 111 service can direct you to an emergency dentist or out-of-hours dental clinic. Over-the-counter options like ibuprofen (for adults without contraindications), paracetamol, and clove oil can manage pain in the short term. Pliers cannot.

Why A, B, and C Are All Wrong in Different Ways

What makes Chapter 3 particularly instructive is that all three wrong answers represent things people have actually tried — folk remedies and home solutions that feel intuitive but range from ineffective to genuinely harmful.

❌ If you picked A — The Pliers

Attempting to extract your own tooth with pliers risks shattering the tooth rather than removing it cleanly, leaving fragments in the gum that will become infected. It also carries serious risk of damaging adjacent teeth, the gum, and the jaw. TOM will require significantly more dental work than he would have on Tuesday, and the pain will be considerably worse.

❌ If you picked B — The String and Door Handle

This approach — borrowed from countless cartoons — works on baby teeth that are already loose. It does not work on adult teeth, which are rooted firmly in the jawbone. Attempting it produces all the pain with none of the extraction. TOM's tooth remains. TOM's dignity does not.

❌If you picked C — The Whiskey

Whiskey applied to the gum does have a very mild, very temporary numbing effect — this is the grain of truth that makes the folk remedy persistent. But it does not treat the underlying cause, it can irritate the soft tissue around the tooth, and applying alcohol to an already inflamed area can actually intensify the pain once the brief numbness wears off. TOM's tooth still hurts. TOM is now also slightly drunk at 11am on a Sunday.

What Actually Works for Dental Pain

Emergency dental situations are more manageable than they feel in the moment — primarily because there are real options available outside of dentist opening hours, and real pain relief that works while you wait.

🦷 Out-of-hours dental help (UK)

Call 111 — they can direct you to an emergency dentist or NHS out-of-hours dental service in your area. Most areas have emergency dental clinics available at weekends. Your regular dentist's answerphone should also give an emergency contact number. Do not wait until the pain becomes unbearable before calling.

📋 Managing dental pain while you wait — what actually works

• Ibuprofen is generally the most effective OTC option for dental pain as it reduces inflammation. Take as directed. Not suitable for everyone — check the label.

• Paracetamol can be alternated with ibuprofen for better pain control. Never exceed the stated dose.

• Clove oil (eugenol) has genuine mild anaesthetic properties and can be dabbed carefully onto the affected area with a cotton bud — this is the evidence-based version of the folk remedy.

• Cold compress on the outside of the cheek can reduce swelling and numb the area briefly.

• Avoid very hot or cold food and drink which can aggravate the nerve. Stick to room temperature.

• Do not apply aspirin directly to the gum — this causes a chemical burn to the soft tissue.

🚨 When dental pain is a medical emergency

Go to A&E or call 999 if there is significant facial swelling extending toward the eye or neck, difficulty swallowing or breathing, high fever alongside the dental pain, or trismus (inability to open the mouth). These can be signs of a spreading dental abscess, which is a serious infection requiring urgent treatment.

TOM's Outcome

You called 111. They directed TOM to an emergency dental clinic that had a Sunday afternoon slot. The dentist found an abscess — an infection that, had TOM proceeded with the pliers, would have spread into the surrounding tissue and become considerably more serious.

TOM received antibiotics, a temporary dressing, and a follow-up appointment. He asked the dentist whether a tooth was really very different from a nail. The dentist's response is not recorded in the book, but TOM describes their expression as "educational."

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